Seminar Topics

Below are a compilation of topics explored in the last 10 years of this ongoing attempt to use the Bowen/Friedman Family Systems Theory to help manage anxiety in leaders. Each topic challenges the user to learn with a variety of approaches: Think, Read, Watch, Listen, and Consider. These sections are for the exclusive use of those registered for the current LMAO (Leaders Manage Anxiety Ordinarily) Seminar.

Triangles

Think:

1. What are the triangles in your family?
2. What are the triangles at work?
3. What are the triangles that your in that are the most difficult to figure out?

Read:

1. Triangles. A description from The Bowen Center for the Study of the Family
2. Back to the Basics: Triangles. Israel Galindo's blog posts entitled. The link will take you to the first post but read all seven. These can all be found in this article if you'd prefer: Leadership and the Triangle
3. 7 Laws of an Emotional Triangle. Notes from Generation to Generation by Ed Friedman.
4. The difference between triangles and triangulation: Family systems theory for church leaders. An article from The Presbyterian Outlook by David Lee Jones Published: February 4, 2020 |Updated: August 13, 2025
5. Triangles: The “Glue” of Bowen Family Systems Theory. By Patricia A. Comella, JD, on the faculty of the Georgetown Family Center. © Georgetown Family Center, 2001
6. The difference between triangles and triangulation: Family systems theory for church leaders
7. Summary of Edwin Friedman’s ‘A Failure of Nerve’: Part 6. A summary of Emotional Triangles Posted on January 16, 2012 by Alastair Roberts

Watch:

1. Triangles in Relationships. In this video Host Allen Blakey interviews Patricia Comella, JD, PA, and faculty member of the Bowen Center for the Study of the Family.
2. Triangles. In this 2 minute video Kathy Wiseman describes triangles in this brief clip from Bowen Theory in Organizations.
3. Relationship Triangles. In this 29 minute video, host Dr. Mariana Martinez interviews leadership teacher, executive coach, and Bowen Center faculty member, Stanley Proffitt.

Differentiation of Self

Think:

1. What does it mean to be differentiated?
2. How do we become differentiated?
3. What does differentiation look like?

Read:

1. Differentiation of Self. A description from The Bowen Center for the Study of the Family
2. Leadership Through Self-Differentiation. A 21 page transcript of Dr. Edwin Friedman speaking at a series of talks presented by The Seven Oaks Foundation.
3. Differentiation of Self Scale. A 2 page description of Differentiation of Self Scale by Andrea Schara on her Mindful Compass web site.
4. The Core of a True Leader.
5. Differentiation of self and spirituality: empirical explorations.
6. Differentiation of Self: Enhancing Therapist Resilience When Working with Relational Trauma. By Linda M. MacKay

Watch:

1. Three Steps to Differentiating One's Self (Murray Bowen 4 minutes)
2. Murray Bowen Family Therapy: Techniques & Differentiation Of Self (24 minutes) This interesting video is produced by a relationship therapist specializing in couples counseling and family systems therapy. A version of the Feelings Wheel mentioned in video.
3. Differentiation as Life's Journey (28 minutes) Dr. Mariana Martinez talks about thinking of differentiation as a developmental process from birth onwards. She shares thoughts about how parents can promote differentiation in themselves to benefit their children.
4. Differentiation of Self in a Family. 3.5 minutes, Murray Bowen

Consider:

1. Differentiated Leadership. A helpful chart from Peter Steinke.
2. 7 Mature Responses to Get Back to Basics. From How Your Church Family Works by Peter Steinke

Nuclear Family Emotional Process

Think:

1. Can you identify the four basic relationship patterns in your family of origin?
2. Where do you see these patterns at work in your family tree as you go back a generation or two?
3. Which pattern was most common in your nuclear family?
4. Which pattern is most common in your family of origin?

Read:

1. Nuclear Family Emotional Process from The Bowen Center for the Study of the Family.
2. Questions One Might Ask Related to: Nuclear Family Emotional Process
3. The Dark Side of Adaptation by Kathleen Smith
4. Nuclear Family Emotional System and Family Projection Process in Tennessee Williams’s Period of Adjustment. Period of Adjustment (Amazon Prime & Google Play) a 1960 play by Tennessee Williams that was adapted in the film version of 1962.

Watch:

1. Adaptive Relationship Patterns in the Nuclear Family (3 minute video by Bowen)
2. Understanding Estrangement (28 minute video - Dr. Karl Pillemer talks about his findings from the Cornell Estrangement and Reconciliation Project. The conversation also explores how Bowen theory offers a unique perspective on family rifts through the concept of cutoff.
3. Nuclear Family Emotional Process 23 minute presentation from Atlantic International University Open Course on the Fundamentals of Family Theory Course (session 6).
4. The Power of Family Process. 28 minutes. Dr. Mariana Martinez interviews Dr. Robert Noone.

Family Projection Process

Think:

1. What family systems work have you been doing in the last month?
2. Where do you see projection happening in your family? In your congregation or work place?

Read:

1. Family Projection Process. From The Bowen Center for the Study of the Family
2. Bullies, Worries – Mindsets and the Family Projection Process
3. We Don't Need Your Help...But Please Fix Our Children. From The Family Systems Institute by Jenny Brown.
4. Questions Related to Family Projection Process.
5. #4 Family Projection Process. Blog entry from Your Mindful Compass by Andrea Schara.

Watch:

1. Family Projection Process: Parents as Leaders (7 min) Read accompanying guide with Parents as Leaders Video
2. Life at the Helm: What Does the Leader See (And Not See) A 90 minute lecture and discussion from the Bowen Center Presenter: Kathleen Cotter-Cauley, LMFT.
3. The Family Projection Process (5.5 min) Dr. Bowen describes the concept by which a major part of whatever degree of immaturity or undifferentiation in the parent(s) is transmitted into one or more of the children.

Multigenerational Transmission Process

Think:

1. Can you identify conscious teaching and learning of things that made family members anxious?
2. Can you identify automatic and unconscious programming of emotional reactions and behaviors?

Read:

1. Multigenerational Transmission Process from The Bowen Center for the Study of the Family.
2. Multigenerational Transmission Process by Ken Crowford. How to think about and diagram Multigenerational Transmission Process.

Watch:

1. Trust & Legacy (29 minutes). An interview with business consultant and Bowen Center faculty member, Kathleen K. Wiseman who consults with family members who have to decide how to transfer and share assets from one generation to the next. The discussion is really about how a generation defines is values and passes them on to the next generation.
2. Differentiation as Life's Journey. (28 minutes) Dr. Mariana Martinez talks about thinking of differentiation as a developmental process from birth onwards. She shares thoughts about how parents can promote differentiation in themselves to benefit their children.

Emotional Cutoff

Think:

1. How has cut-off influenced your relationships?
2. What or where is there cut-off in your family or work system?

Read:

1. Emotional Cutoff. From the The Bowen Center for the Study of the Family.
2. 25 Ways We Use Distance to Manage Anxiety & When You’re Too Close to the Problem. Both are blog posts from Kathleen Smith.
3. Part 1 & Part 2 - Emotional Cutoff and Bridging It: A Conversation. In this discussion Katherine Kott interviewed Laura Havstad about the concept of emotional cutoff in Bowen theory.
4. #5 Emotional Cutoff blog post by Andrea Schara.
5. Estranged or Connected? Blog entry from Your Mindful Compass by Andrea Schara:

Watch:

1. Cutoff in Family Relationships. 28 minute video of Dr. Kathleen Smith interview Dr. Anne McKnight.

Listen:

1. Questions about generational transmission and cut-off from family of origin. (~31min) From The Family Systems Institute faculty members Lily Mailler and Jenny Brown.

Sibling Position

Think:

1. How would your parents advise you to manage your anxiety?
2. What is your sibling position?
3. What is the sibling position of your parents?
4. Can you identify emotional reactions and behaviors that are characteristic of your sibling position?
5. How might this help you navigate family anxiety?

Read:

Sibling Position. From the Bowen Center for the Study of the Family
Birth order may not shape personality after all. From the Washington Post by Ben Guarino.
Birth Order: How your position in the family can influence your personality. From ABC Canberra by Penny Travers
Why Do Siblings Often Turn Out Very Differently? by Michael E. Kerr.
Sibling Position by Ken Crawford. Pay special attention to the table illustrating 12 positions on page 2.
Which Family Were You Born Into? From the Murray Bowen Archive Project a letter from Bowen's in response to a patient looking at her own functioning from the oldest sibling position.

Watch:

Sibling Position: Life Choices Determined by Sibling Positions (28 minutes). Allen Blakey interviews Dr. Anne McKnight. The dynamics of birth position can help in choosing a profession. It can also shed light on relationship issues, e.g. if two first-borns marry, how will they get along? Will they both fight to be the leader?
Stay Curious, Ask Questions, Make Contact. Watch the 3.5 minute video that seeks to answer the question, How do you make contact with even the lowest functioning person, especially if they aren’t very verbal?

Playfulness & Paradox

Think:

1. What do you do that's playful?
2. What keeps work so serious?
3. What about your work or home situation is funny?
4. Think of an anxious situation when when you were too serious. Share the short story.
5. Rabbi Ed Friedman said, “Playfulness can get you out of a rut more successfully than seriousness.” What does he mean?

Read:

1. PlayBook: Generation to Generation. A blog entry.
2. The Wisdom of Play: A little playfulness can go a long way A blog entry.
3. No Laughing Matter a Counseling Today feature by Kathleen Smith
4. PARADOX ala Ed Friedman. FromW. Thomas Soeldner
5. Knock Knock! Who’s There? Exploring the Functions of Play and Humor During Bowen Family Systems Theory Training.

Listen:

1. Non-Anxious Leaders Understand Paradox and Playfulness or you can read the transcript here. (15 minute podcast)

Watch:

1. The Skill of Humor by Andrew Tarvin. In this TEDx Talk Andrew Tarvin will show you that everyone can use humor. Where do you see BFST (Bowen Family Systems Theory) in this talk?
2. Leading with Laughter: The Power of Humor in Leadership In this TEDx Talk Paul Osincup talks about his idea for using laughter to building stronger leaders. Where do you see BFST in this talk?

Consider:

1. Make a list of the most outrageous comments people have shared with you in the last year and email them to Tim. We'll play with them at the LMAO Seminar.

Applying BFST to Work Systems

Think:

1. What keeps work so serious?
2. Can you predict where the next effort at sabotage will come from?
3. What are you taking responsibility for at home and at work?

Read:

1. Work Systems as Family Systems talk by Ed Friedman. (15 page transcript)
2. Nothing is as Practical as Good Theory (focus on the "Thinking About Workplace Dilemmas" section)
3. The Edwin Friedman Model of Family Systems Thinking. By David Cox Ed.D. Professor Arkansas State University
4. An Application of Bowen Family Systems Theory. Judy Haefner, DNP, RN University of Michigan–Flint, Nursing, Flint, Michigan, USA
5. Applying Bowen Theory to Work Systems. By Katherine Kott

Watch:

1. Overfunctioning/Underfunctioning Reciprocity. (just 8 minutes!)Erik Thompson describes an overfunctioning/underfunctioning reciprocity in this brief clip from Bowen Theory in Organizations.

Dynamics of Death in A System

Think:

What were the dynamics around death in your family of origin?

Read:

1. Family Reaction to Death. By Murray Bowen.
2. Bowen Family Systems and Grief. by Jenny Brown
3. Death, Distance and Dynamics in the Bush Family. By Laura M. Benton, from the Multicultural Family Institute

Watch:

1. Thinking about Grief. 28 minutes. Dr. Mariana Martinez interviews Dr. Anne McKnight, Director of the Bowen Center for the Study of the Family. Bowen theory offers a new way of understanding the reaction to death in the family.